RQ#96 - Online

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News from the Grassroots

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Two RQ Gender Forums

Complete theme sections from RQ #96 and RQ#101

• from RQ#101 - "What if the Earth Is Not Our Mother," by Keith Hennessy, Kirk Read, Rachel Kaplan, Jack Davis, Ravyn Stanfield
  
  
• from RQ#96 - "Undoing Sexism: A Forum," By Lynx, Donald, Keith, Phillipe, Rosa, Seed, Jonathan, Scarlet Harlot, and Luna
  
  
• includes original layout of article on this page

Click here to download RQ Gender Forums

Scarlot Harlot offers a different view on sex work and sexism

A erotic dancer offers her views

Sex Work: Sex-positive or Sexist?

Sex Work and Sexism

By A. E.

Sex work and sexism-how are they related? Or better yet, how are they not related? One way that sexism pervades our culture is the way we are bombarded with images of women's bodies to sell everything, including the women themselves.

Is sex work inherently sexist? I invite you to read on, and then choose the answer yourself.

I have many friends in this and other communities who have chosen either in the past or present to make money by being sexual. Most commonly, I find women who work at strip clubs, or dance privately, as well as women who give erotic massages, or do modeling for internet erotica or porn sites. As I do not have personal experience with other sex-work dynamics i.e.; men as sex workers, I will not speak directly to this, but I welcome all to read on and see if there is something for you here.

I have, at two points in my life, worked at strip clubs. I have also done modeling for internet erotica. As a woman who has done this work, and no longer sees it as the sex-positive calling she believed it was, I want to give some perspective.

When I worked as a dancer, I really thought I was in integrity with myself and promoting sexual healing. I believed I was giving those men who were my customers an opportunity to be with a person who could show them what authentic connection was like. This was my product. In exchange for my product, I was given money.

First of all, there is the product I was selling. I strived to have this product be as real as possible, having authentic conversations and being myself, but that wasn't really the product I was selling: it was what I used to get someone to purchase my product. What I sold was lap dances. Lap dances can be described as simulated sex, or even sex through clothes. I may have been able to retain my integrity during my verbal and intellectual interactions with these men, but when I started selling my body, I was coming from a place of denial and hurt. I was denying that these men had any power over me. I told myself I was the one in power, and that this was my self-expression, even my way of bringing healing to the world.

Some people may say, "I do sex work, and I really am healing my customers in my time with them." I ask you to take a good, hard look at what is given as product, and how incredibly precious it is, and what is received in return. Since gaining distance from doing sex work myself, I realize it didn't serve me. I actually find that it undermined my personal power.

I invite all sex workers (and those who love sex workers) to take a look at this. Maybe there are ways to make it healthier. Here are some questions I have asked myself in re-considering my prior belief that I was doing sex work from a clear and powerful place.

• _What is my relationship to money? Am I truly choosing this work, or do I feel that society provides no other way for me to support myself?

• _Have I, or do I suspect I have been sexually, physically, or emotionally abused? Is putting myself into a position of compliance or submissiveness with a person who has financial power over me a perpetuation of this earlier hurt?

• _Do I feel that I could be contributing to the dynamic of women and their bodies being goods for sale?

• _Do I think the objectification of women can co-exist with women's empowerment?

• _What is being sex-positive? Is disconnecting sex and intimacy promoting a world where all beings are respected and self-expressed?

• _As a Witch, what spell am I casting over myself and the world in doing this work?

Those of us who look at distant history for information on how to have a goddess-centered world come across temples where priestesses possibly gave or received sex as a form of goddess worship. We want to embrace the Sacred Whore. We may think that we could emulate these women in doing sex work. But I think our society is too far removed from the possibility that sex for money can be rooted in respect.

Then there is the question of what the phrase "Sacred Whore" can mean. What if "whore" wasn't originally a word to describe a woman who sells sex, but really means a woman who is empowered and thinks for herself? If this is the case, then emulating the Sacred Whore in the sexist context of our "adult entertainment industry" seems inappropriate and misunderstood.

Since I have stopped selling my body and images of my body, I have had so much more access to healing. I have been able to see how I lived my life in a way that perpetuated my own oppression. This is not an easy road. The questions above are not easily answered. To honestly answer them requires a certain readiness to heal sexism in ourselves. As Witches, and people committed to healing our world and the people in it, we know the power of what is possible when we let go of what is consuming our powerful transformative energy. May the questioning of our personal assumptions lead to the liberation of ourselves and all people.

A. E. is an artist, doula, and student midwife who lives in Oakland, CA with her righteous babe wife Lynx and their two kittens.

Scarlot Harlot offers a different view on sex work and sexism

A erotic dancer offers her views

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